Stories Lurk Everywhere, Even in the Police Report

We have a weekly newspaper that shares the news of six small communities. My favorite part of the paper is the police reports. These reports list the issues the police dealt with. The report entries are short but intriguing because you can see there’s a story there. However, the cops are all business and just share the facts. It’s like tweeting for cops.


Some of the entries make me worry, others make me laugh. Most are terse and mysterious, but then suddenly the cop writing the report shares more. 

Every item opens the lid to a box of stories just waiting to be told. Most of the stories I could imagine would never match the drama of the real event, but since I’ll never know the truth, I just make up my own truths.

So if your life gets too whatever, you could instead wonder about what’s going on here from this week’s police report…

  • Someone was shooting in the woods by the pool. (Not good–it’s a very small woods.)
  • A male was hanging over the edge of the bridge on Hwy 52. He said he had lost his job at McDonald’s. The officer drove him home and talked to his parents.  (Poor guy—probably first job he had, and the first he lost.)
  • A female was feeling very weak. (Try chocolate and wine.)
  • A male asked for help in locating his son, from whom he had not heard from in weeks. He had lost his job, his vehicle was repossessed and he had no place to live. (So sad.)
  • A family was fighting and there was lots of yelling and screaming. (Still sad.)
  • A stray goat was running loose. (No surprise there. Goats never respect fences.)
  • A female reported that her neighbor had a huge fire outside and had very loud music on. The officer spoke to the home owner and the music was turned off. (But what about the fire?)
  • A female reported that a dog was standing outside her door barking. (You call the cops for that?)
  • A vehicle was parked on a shoulder of a road with hazards on. The passenger had to stop to vomit. (Okay, WAY too much information.

I love living outside a small town. We have dramas aplenty, but they feel like quieter, calmer dramas than in the big city.

Here’s wishing your December dramas, if you insist on having them, are small town ones, nothing more than an amusing line in a weekly police report.

14 thoughts on “Stories Lurk Everywhere, Even in the Police Report

  1. LOL, My mom used to pack boxes she shipped to me with the Red Wing police blotter, especially since all the names that appeared there were familiar! Not so much anymore, it has grown and with it the police reports have gotten more generic 🙂

  2. Oh goodness, this gave me a good laugh. We’re not from a small town so I’ve never seen police reports in the paper. Oh, how I wish we had them!

  3. LOL. I grew up in a little town in Maine named Pittsfield. I always say it’s the best little town in the Universe. (I think everyone who grew up in a small town says that about his/her small town.) 🙂 SO many dramas.. aka ‘scandals’. Some funny, and some just weird. Then i grew up and moved to the BIG city. Now i prefer the small stuff. Trust me.

  4. I saw you today on Main St. and wondered what you might be up and if you had any more of your wit and wisdom added to your blog. Now, I know.
    Too funny, Catherine. I always enjoy a good dose of our hometown humor.
    Keep warm, or should I say, don’t forget the sun lotion this weekend. ha ha

  5. I grew up in a small farming community and we had a paper just like this. My parents continued to subscribe for many years after they retired and moved off the farm. My dad would call me and read some of the “Sheriff’s Log” reports to me. We would laugh so hard over some of them. Thanks for bringing back a great memory!

  6. I have a very similar newspaper. We get it once a week, and all live for the police report.

    My coworker used to send them to her son when he was in Iraq, and his fellow Marines didn’t believe that it was a real newspaper, nor from the town he grew up in! 🙂

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